Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
