Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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