Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
