im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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