this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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