you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
