I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize