You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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