I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
