if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
