I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
