When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
