I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
