how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
