Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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