Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize