my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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