you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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