Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
