yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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