And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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