This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
