it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
