physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
