I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
