According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i now understand why vodka
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
