I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
