I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Pants are for mortals
Randomize