I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
