Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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