Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
