There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize