when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
