She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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