Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
