have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
