Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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