I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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