Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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