Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
