If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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