I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize