If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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