But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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