The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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