hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
