bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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