I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
