You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
