He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize