Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
