Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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