Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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