Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
