They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
