We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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