I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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