i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
