And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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