I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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