dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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