bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
