so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
