I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
