My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize