I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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