Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
