and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
