You can't special order awesome
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
