They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
