I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
