Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
