i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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